A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST

CAN YOU IMAGINE

  THE NUN SITTING AT HER DESK GRADING THESE PAPERS, ALL THE WHILE TRYING

  TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE AND MAINTAIN HER COMPOSURE!

PAY SPECIAL

  ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A

  LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC

  ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD

  AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE

  WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY

  HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT

  IN.

1.

  IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING

  THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2.

  ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF

  ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS

  WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING

  THE NIGHT.

4.

  THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE

  WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5.

  SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL

  LIKE DELILAH.

6.

  SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE

  APOSTLES.

7.

  MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED

  BREAD,WHICH

  IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8.

  THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT

  UP TO MOUNT

CYANIDE

  TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

 

9. THE FIRST

  COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10.

  THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11.

  MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS

  IN THE BATTLEOF GERITOL.

12.

  THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND

  STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13.

  DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT

  THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL

  TIMES.

14.

  SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700

  PORCUPINES.

15.

  WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA

  CARTA.

16. WHEN THE

  THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE

  MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS

  BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18.

  ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS

  ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY

  DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT

  ALONE.

20.

  IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE

  TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21.

  THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12

  DECIBELS.

22.

  THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE

  OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24.

  ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS

  ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25.

  CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED

  MONOTONY.